how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
