Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
