Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
