I wish I only lived at night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
