It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
