If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
