stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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