i don't plan on having that self control this summer
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
