I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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