she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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