I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
