Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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