Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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