Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
