Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
