def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize