it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
