U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
