kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
