she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
