don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
