The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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