My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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