and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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