as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it because I queefed?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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