No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
