It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
