you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
