JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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