my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize