my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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