Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
