Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
