I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
