yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
