I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
