i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
