i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
