I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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