there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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