how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
