In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
