He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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