i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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