and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
