I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
