Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
