if you like me you must not know who I am
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
