why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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