I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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