oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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