I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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