I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
