How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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