i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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