What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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