she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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