Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
