Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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