So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
