The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
