OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
