somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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