I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
