if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
