it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
