the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
