i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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