My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
