It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
honey bunches of taint.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
