dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Life is so much better after having sex.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
