before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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