you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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