if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
